{ GENERAL POO } Poo~Pourri and its ingredients

Q: I just used Poo~Pourri for the first time, and my poopin’ life has forever been changed. I want to shake the hand of the smarty-pants who invented it—after I wash them, of course. Who on Earth thought of this stuff?!

A: As legend has it, Poo~Pourri was created by a magical fairy named Stinkerbell in an enchanted world far, far away. As truth has it, Poo~Pourri was invented by a stink-hatin’ gal named Suzy Batiz in a smelly bathroom somewhere near Dallas, Texas. To see the story of Poo in less than 90 seconds, give this video a little looksee!

Q: Toilets have feelings too, you know. Before I go carelessly spritzing, I want to make sure Poo~Pourri is okay for my treasured toilet and precious plumbing system. Is it safe?

A: What a sweetie poo, you are! And don’t you worry—your beloved loo is safe with us. Poo~Pourri is made of essential oils and other natural compounds and is no worse for your waste water system than natural shampoos and conditioners. Think of all the awful bleach and harsh chemicals other folks flush down their precious potties, yuck! And Poo~Pourri will not leave a residue in the bowl. In fact, Poo~Pourri contains many of the same elements found in natural household cleaners. Your toilet may even thank you with a “flush yeah!”

Q: A trustworthy friend swore to me that Poo~Pourri is made of 4 parts Atlantis salt water, 2 parts Bermuda Triangle air, and 1 part unicorn pee. Is that true, or do I need a new friend?

A: Do you smell that? It’s your friend’s pants on fire. Though its powers may seem magical, Poo~Pourri is the real, stink-fightin’ deal.  It’s made of essential oils and other natural compounds.
NO Harsh Chemicals
NO Parabens
NO Phthalates
NO Aerosol
NO Formaldehyde
NO Petroleum Distillates
NO Ethanol
NO Benzene
ALL Stink-Fightin’ Good Stuff

 Q: All of the Poo~Pourri scents sound delicious, can I drink them?

A: Umm, no… weirdo. If you or a lil’ stinker accidentally—or purposefully—ingest Poo~Pourri, please call InfoTrac at 800-535-5053 (or 001-352-323-3500). If you get Poo~Pourri on your skin and have an allergic reaction to its natural oils, please call InfoTrac.

{ HOW TO POO } how the heck to use Poo~Pourri

Q: You say using Poo~Pourri is “as easy as 1, 2, Spritz & Poo!” I’ve definitely got step 2 down, but I’ve never spritzed before. I’m scared and I don’t want to let you down. Can you help a pooper out and tell me how to use this awesome stuff?!

A: Patience, young grasspooper. You will master the art of spritzing in no time. Let’s walk through this together, step by stinkin’ step:
(1) Grab your bottle of Poo~Pourri, and shake it like a salt shaka’
(2) Lift the toilet lid
(3) Spritz 4-6 sprays of Poo~Pourri into the toilet bowl, onto the surface of the water
(4) Take a seat, lock and load
(5) Poo
(6) Flush
(7) Tell us what you think!   facebook  |  twitter  |  youtube  |  instagram  |  pinterest 

Q: Yeah, but does Poo~Pourri work on farts n’ floaters?

A: Abso-toot-ly! Just in case you’re eating breakfast right now (mmm, bacon), we won’t get too graphic. As floaters penetrate the film, they’re coated with Poo~Pourri, stopping their air assault before it starts. For fart protection, we suggest you lightly spritz a spray of Poo~Pourri into the air.

 Q: I can’t tell if your bottles are the size of King Kong or a Ping-Pong ball. How big are the Poo~Pourri bottles and how long will they last?

A: How long Poo~Pourri lasts depends on how often ya poop! Here is a size guide to help you spritz wherever you go:
5mL trial size = 3-5 uses = perfect for trying Poo for the first time
1oz bottle = 50 uses = great for your purse and travel
2oz bottle = 100 uses = ideal for your desk at work or as a gift
4oz bottle = 200 uses = perfect for your guest bathrooms
8oz bottle = 400 uses = great for favorite scent for your home bathroom
16oz bottle = 800 uses = used to refill your Original scent bottles

 

{ GUARANTEED POO } why we promise Poo~Pourri works 

Q: How much are you paying all these people that shout from the rooftops how amazing Poo~Pourri is? Either you guys are loaded, or this product really works. So which is it, Poo~Pourri (if that’s even your real name)?

A: Paying for relationships is illegal in most states, and we’re not into that sort of thing. The love of our Poo fans is consensual, we swear. With every bottle sold, we strive for 100% customer satisfaction. If Poo~Pourri doesn’t completely stop your stench from spreading, send it back for a full refund—our unconditional stink-free guarantee.

 Q: Poo~Pourri didn’t stop my husband’s stench from spreadin’. I want my money back, and I want it NOW!

A: One, I don’t appreciate your sass. And two, just send the bottle back to us, along with a stool sample for research and development (jk), and we’ll refund you when we stinkin’ feel like it (right away). And what the flush do you feed that hunger buster?!

 

{ SHIPPIN’ POO } how Poo~Pourri gets from our website to your bathroom 

Q: I live in Gogogogo, Madagascar and I NEED Poo~Pourri in my life. Please make my poopin’ dreams come true and tell me it’s possible!

A: Simmer down, desperate pooper. We ship everywhere from the North Bowl to Timbukpoo. So unless you live in Russia, get to shoppin’! (Sorry Russia, maybe next time). And be sure to tell the folks of Gogogogo we say Hihihihi :)

Q: I want my package delivered by a carrier pigeon or by a tall, dark and handsome mailman—preferably a tall, dark and handsome mailman holding a carrier pigeon.

A: Well tough ship, missy. I want a pink pony that poops Skittles. You’ll have to settle for USPS Priority Mail, which takes up to 3 days if you’re in the United States, or UPS Next Day Air. Please allow for 3-5 business days processing time. Our shipping costs are calculated by weight automatically before checkout. If you’re outside the United States, your Poo package just might take a little bit longer to get to you (duh!).

 

{ MORE THAN POO } the ultimate stink stoppin’ company

Q: Hey Poo~Pourri, don’t ya know stinky odors exists in more places than the bathroom?! I need more of your stink-fightin’ goodness to stop non-bathroom odors!

A: You came to the right place, Smelly Nelly! Here are some of our other rockin’, odor blockin’ products:
For smelly shoes, we created Shoe~Pourri—a shoe odor eliminator.
For poopy diapers, we created Little Stinker—a soiled diaper spray.
For stinky pups, we created Pooch~Pourri—a natural coat deodorizer.

 

{ OOPSIE POO } website issues or product problems

Q: I don’t see my favorite scent on the website? Did it die and go to Poo Heaven? :(

A: Sometimes we have to send Poo~Pourri scents to a big farm to play with other scents and live happily ever after. But maybe you could find a new favorite scent that will make you just as stinkin’ happy! Here is our R.I.P. (Rest in Poo) list:
If you liked Poo University, you’ll like No. 2
If you liked Loo~Pourri, you’ll like Poo La La
If you liked HeavenScent, you’ll like Daisy Doo
If you liked Doody Free, you’ll like Dr. Pott’s
If you liked Shh… It Happens, you’ll like Nature’s Call

 

Q: The scent I want is out of stock and I can’t hold it much longer! When will it be back in stock?

A: Send a holler to email@poopourri.com and let us know which scent your bowels are anxiously waiting for. We’ll alert you when it’s back in stock! And for flush’s sake, quit prairie-doggin’ it and poop already!

Q: My darn-tootin’ bottle of Poo~Pourri ain’t actin’ right! It stopped working. What the heck?

A: Well shucks! Give us a call or email us at questions@poopourri.com. We’ll put our top Poo detectives to work and figure out where the cart fell off the horse (AKA someone’s getting fired).

 

{ RANDOM POO } miscellaneous Qs for your POOs

Q: I’m scared of the internet and want to purchase Poo~Pourri from a human. Where can I buy Poo~Pourri near me?

A: Okay okay, maybe it’s all the weight lifting we’ve been doing and the leather jackets we’ve been wearing, but we’re really not as scary as we look. If you must have human interaction, use our store locator to find a shop near you that carries Poo~Pourri.

Q: I’m a feast-eatin’ fella and I actually enjoy my own scent. So get up off me, Poo~Pourri!

A: Well, maybe your significant other or coworkers don’t. Don’t be selfish, mister. Think, before you stink. I will leave you with this quote from an ancient philosopher whose name we cannot spell nor pronounce: “You shouldn’t punish others for your own choices.”

Q: Poo~Pourri, I think I’m in love with you. I wrote you a poem.
“You’re with me at my worst,
I take you to every location.
You make me smell my best,
In any stinkin’ situation.”

A: We love you, too! But we’re just not in love with you…

Q: How do you come up with your redonkulous product names and pooetry? Do you guys just sit around and make poop jokes all day?

A: Here’s a Poo riddle: What’s the best job in the world and the crappiest job in the world, all at the same time? Yep, you guessed it, you whipper snapper, you. Working for Poo~Pourri means not taking life too seriously, having poo on the brain 24/7, and always giggling at the word “duty.” Always. In a word, our jobs are the sh*t.

{ AUTO-SHIPPIN’ POO } subscription service

Q: An Auto-Ship Subscription Service—sounds fancy. Now in English, please. What the heck is it?!

A: We’re glad you asked! Poo~Pourri’s Auto-Ship Subscription Service is for people who know what they want, when they want it. The service allows you to (1) select a package on the homepage of poopourri.com, (2) choose a delivery schedule, and (3) get that same odor-fightin’ order auto-shipped to you from that moment forward—you won’t have to lift a stinkin’ finger! The subscription service is only valid on homepage package purchases (New to Poo, Getting to Know Poo, Tried and True Poo).

Q: I signed up for Auto-Ship, but I changed my mind. Yes, I have commitment issues and no, I don’t want to talk about them.

A: We won’t pry—that’s what Moms are for. But we will help you cancel your Poo~Pourri subscription. To cancel future auto-shipments, log in to your poopourri.com account, hit the Cancel button located to the right of your subscription, and confirm the cancellation.

Q: This subscription service is the ship! In fact, I want to change my auto-shipments from every 6 months to every 4 weeks. AND I want to upgrade my subscription package from New to Poo to Tried and True Poo! Can I edit the frequency or contents of my Poo~Pourri subscription? 

A: While you can’t change the auto-shipment frequency or contents once you’ve started your subscription, you can easily cancel the existing subscription and create a brand stinkin’ new one!

Q: I didn’t receive one of my auto-shipments when I expected to. I’m beginning to worry. Help, Poo Package Search and Rescue Team! 

A: You know what they say, ship happens… But before you go putting your missing package on a milk carton, let’s do some digging. First, log in to your poopourri.com account. Is there an order/date listed that should’ve gotten to you by now? If so, email or call us with that order number so we can look into what the flush happened. If not, please click on Change billing/shipping info and confirm your payment info hasn’t expired or changed.