July 26, 2021

It’s a great week for your love life, Aries — if you can resist your internal urges to talk shit. Shelve the debate about who used the last square of TP and focus on your lover instead.

This week is the time for big decisions when it comes to your home. Might as well give in to your love of luxury and buy that rhinestone-encrusted toilet seat.

Big things could be happening this week when it comes to contracts. Make sure both your poo-sonalities read the fine print before signing on the dotted line.

Hey, homebody: There’s big energy around your money shituation this week, and you may be feeling flush with cash. Why not buy yourself something nice?

With multiple planets in Leo this week, it’s time to focus on YOU and your sparkling personality — but what else is new? You already know you’re the shit.

It’s a big week for your intuition and dreams, so doo what you gotta doo to make that fit with your hyper-organized nature. Dream journal spreadsheet, anyone?

There’s big energy around friendship this week, but don’t make yourself number two: Seek balance between hanging with your buds and making time for your poo-sonal goals.

This week is a “go” to make money moves in your career, Scorpio. Maybe it’s time to take the plunge and ask for that promotion you’ve been scheming for all year.

This week is for focusing on what inspires you. Time to make shit happen and book that big trip you’ve been daydreaming about — just don’t forget to pack the Poo~Pourri.

There’s big energy when it comes to intimate affairs this week, Cap. So dump the after-hours laptop time and pay attention to your boo thang.

What’s that we hear in the stars for you, Aquarius? No, it wasn’t a fart — but it might be *gasp* wedding bells. Even a nonconformist like you’s gotta lock that shit down eventually.

Big changes are in the air at work this week. Maybe your boss will finally install that bathroom aquarium you’ve been dreaming of so you can do your doody in true Piscean style.