your weekly guide to the stars, sun and (full) moon

December 13, 2021

Hold onto your britches this week as Mars moves into the adventurous, bold, and exciting sign of Sagittarius. This pairing will bring new energy and an undeniable urge to explore. So take the risk and pursue a new and intriguing relationship, turn that side hustle into a career, or satisfy your wanderlust with that trip to Greece. It’s time to shit or get off the pot, so try to open yourself up, stretch your limits, and learn a little something about yourself along the way.

Aries

Pursue the shit that inspires you, Aries! If you’re passionate about travel, book those tickets! You deserve to experience pooping in a foreign toilet.

Taurus

Finances are a huge pain in the rear for you right now, Taurus. Make sure to invest wisely, and limit how much time you spend in the bathroom, scrolling through tiktok.

Gemini

Your relationships are the shit, Gemini. Whether it be your friendships or romantic endeavors, they both deserve your effort. Don’t be an a-hole, let them know how much you care!

Cancer

Your daily routine is pooper important to your overall health, Cancer. Try introducing regular physical activity that gives those cute glutes some attention.

Leo

Leo, it’s time to let loose and have some fun! Enjoy being the center of attention and give ‘em all the addiTOOT you’ve got.

Virgo

Home is where the shart is — at least that’s what you always say, Virgo. Make your humble abode an even warmer place by inviting family over this week.

Libra

Having communication issues, Libra? Good news is, we all doo. Remember to lead with kindness—like always open a window after blowing up the bathroom.

Scorpio

Hey Scorpio, you are worthy of love, commitment, and an endless supply of TP. Don’t let anyone tell you different!

Sagittarius

Sag, you’re the star of this month. Big things will be coming your way, and I’m not just talking about your next BM! Prepare yourself for a huge dump… of amazing new discoveries in your personal life!

Capricorn

While endings may be sad, they can also be the start of something wonderful, Cap. You can look forward to a time of healing and bootyful discoveries in the coming days.

Aquarius

Aquarius, this month is all about shootin’ the shit with your friends. Try spending more quality time with your besties and pursuing shared interests and goals — or even just binge watching the Bachelor together.

Pisces

Your reputation is everything, Pisces, and you’re on the right track to gain momentum in your career. Get your ass into high gear and blow ‘em all away (with your skill and talent, of course).